Even If He Doesn't
My "even if" that I’ve dreaded for years has come true... AJ and I are ending our fertility journey with no bio children on Tuesday with my total hysterectomy. What I always thought would LEVEL me has happened. And you know what? I am filled with peace, and an even deeper faith and desire to serve Him. It hasn’t been easy for a moment, but it’s been filled with His grace. I have many moments where I am filled with grief and shed tears, but my hope in His word regarding our future has become my sustenance, my portion.
"Even if He doesn't" has become a really powerful declaration for me. It’s been a song that I’ve held close since I was young ("Even If" by MercyMe), has shown up in a prayer over me from a pastor I had just met last AG council (thank you, Michael) (when I didn't want to hear it), and was even the title of a book by
gifted to me by a friend out of blue a few weeks later (thank you, Andrea)!"Even if" has sustained me through so many moments of disappointment, heartache, and loss. It has become a portal, a bridge, to awe and wonder at God's much more perfect and beautiful plan, joy and excitement that comes from following His heels closely, many more reasons to trust Him, and a deeper, refined, tested faith.
"Even if He doesn't do it... I know He's able. Even if it's not in His will to do it, I know He's able... I remember 3 boys stuck in the fire who said, "Even if He doesn't deliver me, I know He can do it if He wants to! I know He can deliver it if He wanted to"... I wonder, does somebody have an even if? Even if He doesn't deliver, even if He doesn't heal, I know the God I serve, He can do what He wants! God can do whatever He wants...whatever He wants, when He wants!" - Chandler Moore, “More than Able” from Live at Maverick City (available on Spotify!)
"If we are thrown into the blazing furnace, the God we serve is able to deliver us from it, and he will deliver us from Your Majesty’s hand. But even if he does not, we want you to know, Your Majesty, that we will not serve your gods or worship the image of gold you have set up.” -Daniel 3:17-18 NIV